THE NEWEST POST IS THE 3rd POST :D
okay, after reading almost everyone's blog. like all my friends, my friend's friend's friend and like ya. like just any blog la. i've decided to blog too.
you see, i'm like in the office. finish all my jobs. did like 36 neck tie designs and send it to china alr. so practically, i've gt nthing to do.
so when you are left with nothing to do, you get bored. so right now. yes, i'm bored. and when i'm bored. I THINK, PONDER, WONDER,which lead to me GETTING WORRIED,PARANOID,AFRAID and UNHAPPY.
And after hearing stuff, whether its fiction or fact, it somehow simulated moodyness.Oh, so i'm not MAD. now i get it. ive gt a reason to feel like that. anw, i'd be back on the 5th of jan. and i'm still considering, whether to come back or not. k, thats another issue that i wanna talk abt later since i've gt like a supe long time here. i gt to stay here till like 6.30, and hell. its only 4.45 now.
SO I"M GNG TO HAVE A SUPER LONG ENTRY. :D
Okay, like everyone says a tiger always have stripes , and every mosquito bites. so its impossibe to change a negative character of a human because he/she will always be he/she. So thats okay, but what it that negative character of yrs affects the people you supposedly love? will you still be yrself or will you try to hide that side of yrs or will you try to amend it?
And the problem comes in when there's a relationship, where 2 hearts are closely binded and 2 heart forms one soul and almost everything that you do WILL as a matter of fact affect the other party. So will you still hecky protray that negative chracter and get people hurt or rather spoilt the love? Will you? or will you change only when your love deepen?
i dont understand how mistakes can be repeated so many freaking times. and you repeating yr mistakes will indirectly cause me to do things that i know is not right but in that can't-help-it-state i will, like you. repeate my mistake. And till today i still wonder, is it because i always let you feel that i'd always and forever stay and stick by you thats why you dare to challenge our love? Or is it because its not love that we have, its only a lust?
When we say 'i love you' is it only words that we exchange or is it really that special feeling that we share? i dont know anymore, or rather, i never once known. Because our relationship is always led by you, you take my hand lead the way, and all i do is to follow. When you go astray, pull stunts, leave me in confusion and even dissapear. all i do is to wait, because i dont know how to leave. many times i said goodbye. but i come to realise that 'goodbye' is only a word and could always only be a word
I've changed. For you, i threw away all my pride. Because of you, the way people look at me, judge me ain't important anymore. For you, i can always wait. Because of you, my mind will nv be at ease. but its also, because of you, i found happiness. i learn how to love unconditionally. i learn how to say i love you. Although i'm not some genius in a relationship, but communication, trust, confession and love is a must, and cheating is at any condition unaccepted. Not that we shant forgive, be there's always a second chance if you allow it. so yes, second chance. but thats it. the second chance will be the last chance.
Its amazing. when i don't not need to be what most people expects me to be, i can very freely be myself, i can speak my childish thoughts, do my unglam action and be narssicist and you still love me, i see yr dumbness, yr short temper and yr rudeness but i still love you. When in love, faults can be seen in a unique way and every individual can be special in another person's eyes.
Somehow, sad but true.. i'm happier when i'm showered with love by my love. LOl. And no matter how happy i get when you aint ard, it can nv ever be compared to the blissful moments that we shared.
i found out that i can stay up all night just to hear you on the phone, to hear yr thoughts, yr complains and yr perspective of life. Love, it dosen't make the world goes round, but it sure did make the ride worthwhile.
True love can do miracles, it can nv be shared, bought or betrayed. I can't choose who to fall in love with, how to control my feelings and how to express to the world and everyone out there that thinks that i'm sucha foolish little girl why am i behaving like that, why am i re-falling for a guy that once failed me, and why still choose to be tgt what it's recognised by the majority that it won't work out, that insecure-ness is a certainty. I believe, maybe due to the fact that we've become more mature as time passes and you see more clearly what you want i choose to still keep to that promise that we had.
Many told me that i've gt great temper esp with my bf. The way i see relationship is that we can have fun and be wild, go clubs and all, as long as the promise we had is uphold . i think it's okay, so girlfriends, i dont know how to be angry and scream, shout or scold when it seems like he is pulling stunts. LOL. werid uh, i realised that i prefer to be in one with freedom and trust, i can still have all my guy friends and hang out with my crazy girlfriends.
okay, its preety long uh. i know i know,some may still think that this is foolish,dumb and making yrself take the hard lesson and then returning to square one.
But people, i need love to be happy. i need to feel my love's love and not just throw it away, yes. at times it may hurt a little and maybe bacause i always give lotsa freedom and i'm nt a difficult and demanding girlfriend, it'd be at my disadvantage.
HAH. but i really don't know how to be demanding and get angry over supposedly need to be angry stuff. Yes, sometimes its really dissapointing and all.. But still, i will believe. and this will be the last time i put my heart at stake. one very very last time.. i hope it'd work out fine. if it can work out, great. if not. i'd say bye and nv look back. i promise :D